ABC News: Could Nicolas Cage be a vampire?

According to a story from ABC News, Jack Mord, an antiques dealer posted the above photograph for sale on eBay of a man from Bristol, Tenn., around 1870, and he claims is Nicolas Cage.


"Mord believes Cage is a vampire who reinvents himself every 75 years or so," reads the story.

"Mord claims that the supposedly 47-year-old actor looks virtually unchanged since his first big hit 'Moonstruck' all the way back in 1987 — more 'proof,'" the story says (at least they put quotes around the "proof").

The photo was offered at a price of $1 million, but it has since been removed.

Are you kidding? Did no one at ABC News — not the writer nor the editors — say to themselves, "Maybe Cage has a grandfather or great, great grandfather?"

It is laughable that they would publish this story, legitimizing the disillusions of some old man.

The biggest oversight, besides the obvious ridiculousness of the claim, in this story is the lack of authentication or a reaction from Cage himself.

To quote Chelsea Handler, the late-night comedian, ABC News, "you need to get your shit together."

The writer ends the story with this: "Unfortunately, there’s one small problem with this bold claim. Vampire experts have been buzzing since the news about Mr. Vampire Cage broke — because a vampire cannot be photographed!"

Really? You've really got to bring out your "Twilight" vampire trivia to dissuade the public that Nicholas Cage is not part of the Cullens' coven?

While Cage's career has fallen into the realm of the supernatural recently — but has mostly just fallen out of the Hollywood A-list — I don't think it's his way of sending a message to the public that he is ready to come out of the coffin.

Hit me 'Baby' one more time! But gently!

Now before you get too excited...or — if you anything like me and do not share the world's fascination with Brittany Spear's musical talents nor her off-stage antics (although I applaud her for digging herself out of that dark, dank and hairless hole) — before you roll your eyes, this is not about that chart-topping mind-numbing song.

It's about another Baby, one that is so near and dear to my heart. I'm talking of Frances Houseman, better known as Baby, from the 1987 classic "Dirty Dancing."

It is probably my all-time favorite movie for more reasons than I can mention, so I'm going to cover the most important: 1. Patrick Swayze! Need I say more. 2. Patrick Swayze dancing! 3. The fact that Jennifer Grey is not your average gorgeous leading lady. 4. I learned to dance watching Baby learn to dance. 5. My mother insisted on staying in the theater through the entire movie, even though I was pounding away in her womb to let me out and dance with Patrick. Needless to say, I grew up watching this movie!

Now, Lions Gate has decided to remake the classic...again.

Let me first say I'm all for remakes...to an extent. I think getting a new interruption of a story or plot line in a new time period or setting leads to such diversity and brings to light new-found delights not seen before.

Remember, Lions Gate already tried the remake in a widely-unappreciated  2004 movie, "Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights," which I actually love. But it come no where close to the level of esteem that I place on the original.

So why go for a third-time at bat? It can't be that the old adage "third time's the charm" because if that first 1987 version didn't hit it out of the park, I'm not sure they can do much better.

And to make matters worse, the film company doesn't plan to change anything...not the time period it was set in, not the plot of a thrilling first-love and sexual awakening, not even the choreographer! That's right, Kenny Ortega is back! I actually am secretly thrilled about this because I love his work. He has choreographed and directed masterpieces such as "The Newies," with the multi-talented Christian Bale, who will forever be a New York cowboy to me, "Gilmore Girls," "Hocus Pocus," "High School Musical" (all of them), and Michael Jackson's farewell "This Is It."

The film is still in its early stages, slated to come out in 2013, so there are still a lot of factors to hash out. But there is obviously one important piece that made such movie magic that will change in this latest rendition: the cast. Patrick lost his battle with pancreatic cancer in 2009 and Jennifer Grey, while still capable of a little dirty dancing as evident from her championship season on "Dancing with the Stars," she would not be right cast as the doe-eye daddy's girl now.

Apparently, Zac Efron's name has been batted around to play Patrick Swayze's Johnny Castle, which I think is a bit predictable. Although the boy can dance...and sing (dear God, please don't let them turn this into a musical), he doesn't quite have the bad boy air about him that is needed for the role.

Also in the running is Derek Hough, Grey's former dancing partner (after Patrick, of course). This is laughable. I like Derek, but really? I think he's just exercising some sibling rivalry. His sister, Julianne Hough, landed the role of Ariel Moore, in the new "Footloose" remake...more on that later. Again, Derek, like Zac, doesn't have a bad boy bone in his limber body. Both are baby-faced and boyish, while Johnny Castle is a man, tough and rugged, with substantial life experience, which has embittered him.

But after all this talk, I'm kind of excited to see what, and who, they come up with and at the same time, dread it. I hope that it lives up the first one, but am not holding my hopes too high because, to use what I think is the cheesiest line in the movie (forgive me), "no one puts Baby in the corner."

I fear that is essentially what the film will do. It will either surpass the former glory of the Swayze-Grey dynamic, which as I said, is unlikely, or it will make a mockery of the entire trilogy and the beloved classic will be stuffed into the back corner of entertainment centers hiding in shame.

So Lions Gate, I warn you. Think carefully before proceeding with this misadventure.

And while we're at it...MTV, the same goes to you too. Although my advice is much too late to save you from the October premiere of "Footloose," which looks exactly the same as the 1984 version but with Bostonian Kenny Wormald (from the "Center Stage" follow-up "Turn It Up") as Chicago-rebel Ren MacCormack instead of Kevin Bacon. From the looks of the trailers, it is exactly the same movie with a even more forbidden dancing and an updated wardrobe except it appears that they got Ren's from a 1984 Kevin Bacon yard sale..down to the grimy gray sweat shirt he rips off revealing the fitted white tank in that legendary dance number in the barn. Oh wait, they have graffitied school buses instead of tractors for the chicken race! Come on!

I most likely will not dare to fork out the $10 to see either film in theaters, so my reviews will have to wait until the remakes come out on DVD. All I can say is good luck movie goers.

How Facebook is ruining humanity...or so some believe

   Note to all Facebook users: we are "either totally conceited or serious self-haters."

   Or so says a Sept. 2010 article titled "Facebook users are jerks, another study confirms" from MSNBC's technology blog, Technolog. 

   "Just this week we learned that Facebook use can lower grades by 20 percent," the article read. "That's the latest on a list of studies that includes how Facebook can cause health problems, destroy future job opportunities, whip up jealousy and blah blah blah. And now, here's another one that tells us Facebook users are either totally conceited or serious self-haters."  
   I think you can tell that Helen Popkin, the author, is somewhat sarcastic in her tone. But those are some pretty serious accusations to levy against the world's most popular social networking site, and maybe the most influential communication tool of our generation — except for the cell phone...but you can even get Facebook on a cell phone now.
   I have no idea what health problems are alluded to in the article or studies, but I can definitely see the negative effects the site could have for future employment. 
   People forget when they are uploading pictures of themselves and their friends during last weekend's drunken debauchery, that regardless of how funny — or gross — it is to stick your tongue down someone's throat while a friend snaps a pic of the sweaty mess, those pictures can be seen by pretty much everyone and are out there forever. No employer wants a trashy employee...unless you own a strip club.
   Another article, from the Los Angeles Times, said that girls who use Facebook as a public photo album detailing every moment — significant or not — in the their lives, "assert their self worth via their physical appearance."
   That should come as no surprise to anyone.
   But the thing that really grabbed my attention was a line near the end of the article quoting the lead author of the study, Michael A. Stefanone.
   He said that girls who do this, post thousands of pictures of themselves, do it "as a form of advertisement." 
   Stefanone implies that they are advertising their bodies, rather than themselves, to anyone and everyone who will look, push the "like" button or even post a comment to perpetuate their heightened self-opinion.
   To sum up, I think I've thoroughly proved the narcissism angle, but what about the other half of heavy Facebookers, those self-deprecating users.

  Well, apparently they are one and the same. 

  Popkin's article states other findings from the study: 

• The more extreme the narcissism, the more time spent checking Facebook.
• The more extreme the self-loathing, the more time spent checking Facebook.

   So, Facebook is responsible for not only perpetuating narcissism but also self-loathing. And thus ruining humanity...but we can't help ourselves can we, regardless of how it makes us feel.
  Friend me! 

Articles used in this post:
-http://technolog.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2010/09/09/5077830-facebook-users-are-jerks-another-study-confirms
-http://www.latimes.com/health/boostershots/la-heb-facebook-vanity-20110310,0,464632.story

Movie Review: Damon's new flick is more romance than sci-fi thriller

   If you are expecting heart-thumping action — along the lines of "Green Zone" or the Bourne trilogy — from Matt Damon's newest flick, "The Adjustment Bureau," then you might want to take your significant other. All you'll find is heart-thumping romance.

   Not one shot is fired.

   In fact, there are no guns at all.

   Actually, there is no violence to speak of...well, Damon does throw two punches. A well-timed right hook levels one guy, while the other jab barely fazes 75-year-old Terence Stamp...but he did have it coming.

   Ill-fated Senate-hopeful David Norris (Damon) finds the love of his life in Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt), a sassy contemporary ballet dancer. But their romance is not part of the "plan," which is micromanaged by a team of omnipresent, fedora-clad adjusters.

   The characters' fateful meeting in the men's room of the Waldorf-Astoria — where they share their first completely random and ill-timed kiss — conflicts with their ability to follow their dreams.

   The adjusters tell Norris that he cannot see her again, although they can’t tell him why — only the “chairman” knows.

   Norris, destined to become President of the United States, and Sellas, one of the world's foremost dancers, are drawn to each other by instances of chance and coincidence, which cannot be foreseen nor adjusted. So they fall deeper into love as the movie continues and try to change their diverging paths.

   The archaic duel between fate and freewill determines the entire angst of the one hour, 39 minute drama.

  The empathizing and compassionate adjuster Harry Mitchell, played by Anthony Mackie, sums up the movie’s message when he tells Damon that only when one challenges fate can he truly have freewill.

  But alas, we know how it ends.

  Love conquers all and freewill trumps the "plan."

  But that can't be it right...Maybe it's the pessimist in me, but they should, at the very least, fall short of their lofty goals. However, the movie doesn't even venture to answer those questions. The characters simply end up happily together.

  Although the movie lacks Damon’s usual he-man vigor, it is suspenseful and surprisingly a sweet love story. Blunt embodies the ballsy ballerina beautifully, and eloquently, and Damon’s hopeless romance is every girls dream. While their on-screen chemistry gels into delightful, witty banter (Damon has always excelled at banter), the couples final kiss is even more awkward than their first.

  Screenwriter and director, George Nolfi, underplays the complexity of the sci-fi thriller advertised and many questions go unexplained.

I give it a C+. I wouldn't buy it, but I wouldn't turn away if it came on cable.

A love story in six words or less

SMITH Magazine challenges people to post six-word memoirs summing up their life in six words or less. This particular topic involves people's love stories.

Here are some of my favorites:

-Love hurts. Choose vodka or Valium.
-You lost me at hello “ma’am.”
-Life’s like chocolates. Picked, processed, pooped.
-Hearts clubbed by diamonds in spades.
-My mom never liked you anyway.
-Make love in garden. Encourage fertility.
-Went for cherries, found my wife.
-In lieu of you, chocolates do.
-Another chapter in her pulp fiction.
-Passion, fireworks, good loving. He's gay.
-The cure: wear red lipstick tomorrow.
-He's a trapdoor I'm falling through.
-He's finally gone. Must update Facebook.
To see more, visit: http://www.smithmag.net/sixword-love/memoirs.php

Some are happily-ever-after kind of loves....some are not...some are funny...and some, like mine I suppose are still in progress....
What is yours?

Every girl's dream...gone so wrong!

So every girl dreams that a guy will sing a song for her/to her.

Trust me...every girl!

But the other day I heard this song on the radio and I almost wrecked my car because I was laughing so hard! This song is every girl's dream gone so, so wrong! To be immortalized in a song about how badly some guy hates you!

The song is definitely petty and vindictive, but extremely catchy and utterly ridiculous. And not to mention the irony of the band's name--the Long Road To Love. It's going to be a long road, if he keeps making songs like this.

But I wish him luck.

Maybe one day, I'll get a song....but not one like this!

Jaron and the Long Road To Love I Pray for You

I haven’t been to church since I don’t remember when
Things were going great til they fell apart again
So I listened to the preacher as he told me what to do
He said you can’t go hatin’ others who have done wrong to you
Sometimes we get angry but we must not condemn
Let the good Lord do his job, you just pray for them

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, honey, I pray for you

I’m really glad I found my way to church
Cause I’m already feelin’ better and I thank God for the words
Yeah, I’m gonna take the high road and do what the preacher told me to do
You keep messin’ up, and I’ll keep prayin’ for you

I pray your tire goes out at 110
I pray you pass out drunk with your best friend
And wake up with his and her tattoos…

I pray your brakes go out runnin’ down a hill
I pray a flower pot falls from a window sill
And knocks you in the head like I’d like to
I pray your birthday comes and nobody calls
I pray you’re flyin’ high when your engine stalls
I pray all your dreams never come true
Just know wherever you are, near or far
In your house or in your car
Wherever you are, honey, I pray for you
I pray for you

Words to live by

Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of ’99:
If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience…I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can’t grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked….You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you

Sing

Don’t be reckless with other people’s hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind…the race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch

Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what you want to do with your life…the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.

Get plenty of calcium.

Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children,maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary…what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either – your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s. Enjoy your body, use it every way you can…don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, it’s the greatest instrument you’ll ever own..

Dance…even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room.

Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them.

Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents, you never know when they’ll be gone for good.

Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future.

Understand that friends come and go,but for the precious few you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft.

Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths, prices will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time you're 40, it will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but, be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it’s worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen…

Everbody's free to feel good

-The Sunscreen Song by Baz Luhrmann

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xavFb4WH7o0&feature=related